Lost Innocence...

Game On,



I remember vividly as a kid playing in the streets for hours. In the snow we wore moonboots and slid around out of control using the parked cars as boards to check each other into. There was a time when playing hockey was innocent, a game, just like it is supposed to be, and just as in life, there comes a time we lose our innocence.  We get introduced to the reality of life and well, at times, it STINKS!

I deal with so many young people who have recently lost their innocence and have to had to face a pain they never imagined. This pain is real and as a parent is heartbreaking. A huge fear for parents is that our children will have to endure the pain we have - our determination is to protect and keep them from harm. I have come to the realization that we cannot deny the pain in the learning and growing process. 


We can hold them, let them cry, and try to help them make sense of it all. Sometimes we can make sense of it, other times we cannot. We can help them learn how to make better decisions than we did because we can share the pain we went through. I have found that telling them 'not to' does not work; tell them why not to and add because... (insert your pain story here) and you get their attention.

There is no answer that I have ever found to avoid the pain that life throws at us, not one that makes it all better anyway. I have found that education through experience does provide insights not otherwise known. If we are going to be a better as a parent we have to find new ways, have REAL conversations, and help our children connect the dots for themselves. They are going to do it anyway, share the truth and the pain, and they will listen.

Good luck! We all need a little now and then... :)

~ BW

Great Advice from Austin Smith

I have been traveling around watching many of the tryouts that are going on. I have seen much pain and disappointment with the players and parents. I see young players who are much better than they are showing dealing with anxiety and stress at very unhealthy levels. One of the young men that I have worked with for a couple of years recently had some big decisions to make. I asked him to share his experience. For any of you out there YOU MUST READ THIS (and remember this is from a 19 year old who has figured out something that will help him the rest of his life).

Thanks Austin for sharing!

It's been a long off season and I hope everyone's excited for the new season that's underway. Many of you will be going to try out for new teams to further your hockey career. That's a whole new experience for every one of you. My realization of "Fear" was what changed my career around. I did not know it at first. With some discussion and insight from Bob, I was able to determine that fear was what was holding me back. Uncertainty caused fear which caused more uncertainty. Until I took a hold of that fear, and locked it out I was not able to control my future. I played many scenarios out in my head. What to do. What to say. What if. It was all caused by fear. I've recently had conversations (asking for a trade) that most people are scared to have. Why be scared and have fear? What's there to fear? You control your thoughts and actions, no one else does (even though it seems like that sometimes). There's no need to have fear of the unknown. Take charge and live. Don't live a life of fear and regret. There will be ups and downs in your career. No matter where you play, every day gives you a chance to go out and get better. My advice to you before your season gets going is go out everyday and work on getting better. Don't fear how your going to play, where your going to play - just give it your all! Don't let fear control you.

Regards,
Austin Smith

March Newsletter - Stress or Distress

March Edition 1

 

Stress or Distress?

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
~ Buddha

One of the biggest issues I have seen in the last year, that I have to say shocked me, is that the young people of today are experiencing a huge level of stress. They wonder why they can't perform, why they are struggling with the coach, why they can't speak the truth to their parents. They are so fearful of failure and disappointing you their parents, the coach, their teammates and lastly themselves that they simple can not feel anything but stress.

Some shocking statistics in regards to teen stress:

• 25% avoided or refused to deal with their stress, 
• 23% sought ways to distract themselves away from their stress, 
• 17% sought support, and 
• 35% actively tried to reduce their stress.

So with so many of the youth of today feeling this way, how do we as the leaders and developers of the youth help them to feel better? First we have to be able to identify when our kids are encountering stress because often they will not let us in on the fact that they are. Second, we must have an action plan to help alleviate the stress. I have included both below.

What to look for in your child to determine if they are feeling stressed out:

1. Their performance is deteriorating, in school or in sport. They have stressed themselves to the max and have a tough time finding motivation to do anything well as they are starting the habit of self-doubt.

2. They have shut down communications. They will not speak the truth, they will tell you what you want to hear as well as their coaches, teachers, friends etc. Anyone who can judge them or make them feel wrong, they will not speak the truth.

3.  Erratic behavior and or emotional breakdowns. This is stress at a high level and needs to be addressed asap. If they are suddenly out of control emotionally please seek out help as this can cause many health issues and relationship issues.

If you have noticed any or all of the above your young athlete is trying to cope with something they have no experience in dealing with. We all know what stress does to adults and there are more and more instances of what it is doing to the teens out there.

Some Great resources for you to help are listed below:

A good site for many things related to teens and how to eliminate stress.

Great info on the many faces of stress and how to change.

My own personal experiences of overcoming stress and helping others:

1. Sharing my stories of failure have been the biggest healer, to know that we are not the only one out there with those problems is a big relief.

2. Helping the ones who suffer that it is all in their MIND. That they have the power to overcome and it is not based on anything other than their won perception of what is happening in their World, even if others have extremely high expectations of them. Self image and self forgiveness are two virtues required in any type of self healing.

3. Lack of FUN. They have to have FUN, so many young people who eventually quit cannot believe how good they feel because they have eliminated the stressful situation. What they do not realize is that they are developing the habit of quitting to avoid letting others down as well as themselves.

Monthly Reading Suggestions:

1. Talent is Overrated - Geoff Colvin - awesome insights to the theory of how talent really is developed. I have used many of the philosophies, especially the deliberate practice.

2. Mindset - Carol Dweck - this fascinating book provides insights to an open mindset or a fixed mindset.For your own personal development this is a MUST read.

I hope that this information sheds some light and helps provides you with some solutions!

Sincerely,

Bob Wilkie