The Enigma of Expectations

In my line of work I’ve noticed a recurring theme – expectations are the cause of a lot of unhappiness.  Old Webster defines expectation as – "a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen."  Whether you realize it or not your life is often filled with expectations.  If I had to guess, I would venture to say that in every relationship you are involved in there are expectations.  Your parents or guardians expect you to clean your room, help around the house, and get good marks/grades.  Your teachers expect you to finish your homework, study for tests, and pay attention in class.  Your friends expect you to text, chat, call them, as well as lots of other things.  Your significant other usually has a plethora of expectations.  Expectations in and of themselves are not a bad thing.  However, problems usually arise for two reasons:   

First, somebody in the relationship has what the other person considers ‘unrealistic’ expectations.  Your parents want you to excel in every class.  While this may be possible, this puts a lot of pressure on you to meet your parents' or guardians' expectations.  A simple mistake and those negative emotions tend to creep into your life (i.e. I’m stupid.  How could I make that mistake? They’ve done so much for me, why can’t I live up to their expectations?   I’m not good enough.)  Of all the people I’ve met so far, no one would ever want a loved one to feel that way.  However, we have learned to be disappointed and feel like garbage if we are unable to meet the expectations of others.
  

Second, and perhaps the more common of the problems – expectations are never clearly communicated.  How often have you had a conversation with the people in your life about expectations?  Have you asked your parents what they expect from you?  Have you asked your teachers or coaches about their expectations?  Have you spoken with your friends?  Just as importantly, have you shared your expectations with your children, spouse, significant other, friends, co-workers, etc.?  Far too often we fall short of the expectations of others not on purpose, but because we never even knew it was an expectation.  Or, the expectation was not clearly communicated.

The more clear we are with those around us about our expectations the more clarity we gain into what is expected of us.  With the clarity choices become easier.  Now, instead of letting someone down without even knowing it, we are able to make a decision, knowing full well that we may not be living up to someone else’s expectations.

So, I expect after reading this, you will have the courage to go out and have conversations with those you care about regarding your expectations as well as their expectations.

Canucks Home Opener

Working with the Calgary Canucks Junior A Team this year has been a pleasure.  My role allows me to still be involved and be in the locker room quite a bit.  The experience has been rewarding for me thus far and I've had the pleasure of meeting some great young athletes. This past weekend the Calgary Canucks enjoyed their home opener, a 5-3 win over the Whitecourt Wolverines.  

Before the game, the Canucks took the opportunity to invite all of the parents out for a meeting, outlining some of the expectations for the year as well as roles and some of the services the Canucks will be offering.  After the parent meeting, thanks to Wild Rose Brewery, we were able to have a little BBQ and a few drinks.  It was a great chance to get to meet the parents and mingle.  Plus, the sausages and hamburgers were quite tasty.  It was also nice getting to meet a few of the parents of the young men I've been working with for over a month now.  The win made for an even better day!

(The parents gather in the parking lot after the meeting to enjoy some food and drinks)

(A few of the parents mix and mingle before the game starts)

(Assistant coach Craig Mohr talks with parents)

 

(The tailgating equipment compliments of Wild Rose Brewery)

(Now with a bit of food on it - I was the master chef for the day...)

(Head Coach and GM Ryan Barrett with his daughters)

(Everyone hanging out, enjoying the food and beverages)

(A few supporters enjoy laughs before the game)

(Almost time for the game...)

(It's game time at Max Bell Center - unfortunately, not a whole lot of fans...  Come on out and support a great group of youngsters!)

(0-0 with a little under five minutes to go in the first period)

 

(D-Zone faceoff)

(Goalie Colin 'Coop' Cooper between periods)

(The boys come out for the second ready to go)

(Getting ready to hit the ice after the 3rd period)

(Post game celebration - 5 to 3 win for the Canucks)

(Coop and his post game rituals.  The boys come off happy as they pulled off their second win of the season and first at home!)

Lost Innocence...

Game On,



I remember vividly as a kid playing in the streets for hours. In the snow we wore moonboots and slid around out of control using the parked cars as boards to check each other into. There was a time when playing hockey was innocent, a game, just like it is supposed to be, and just as in life, there comes a time we lose our innocence.  We get introduced to the reality of life and well, at times, it STINKS!

I deal with so many young people who have recently lost their innocence and have to had to face a pain they never imagined. This pain is real and as a parent is heartbreaking. A huge fear for parents is that our children will have to endure the pain we have - our determination is to protect and keep them from harm. I have come to the realization that we cannot deny the pain in the learning and growing process. 


We can hold them, let them cry, and try to help them make sense of it all. Sometimes we can make sense of it, other times we cannot. We can help them learn how to make better decisions than we did because we can share the pain we went through. I have found that telling them 'not to' does not work; tell them why not to and add because... (insert your pain story here) and you get their attention.

There is no answer that I have ever found to avoid the pain that life throws at us, not one that makes it all better anyway. I have found that education through experience does provide insights not otherwise known. If we are going to be a better as a parent we have to find new ways, have REAL conversations, and help our children connect the dots for themselves. They are going to do it anyway, share the truth and the pain, and they will listen.

Good luck! We all need a little now and then... :)

~ BW

Trusting the Youth Hockey Process

The Youth Hockey World in Canada is a very important part of our culture.  We love our hockey in Canada and many many families participate in it in a very big way.

The foundation of the dynamic of youth hockey is based on volunteer community boards, volunteer coaches, and volunteer parents.  There are governing bodies who oversee the overall structure but there is no policing of the dynamics that happen at the volunteer level.  Shockingly there is no curriculum or step by step process for volunteer coaches to follow when choosing and deciding to take on the responsibility of a team.  The governing bodies provide very little training for these volunteers.  They are expected to know how to teach these young aspiring athletes when they are not teachers and we as parents expect them to know what to do and how to do it.  What a huge responsibility.

Parents have a huge part to play in the youth hockey world and not just in providing the equipment, money, time, and chauffeuring!  They are expected to support the coach and the players.  Often times the philosophies, skills and abilities of the coach to coach effectively can be challenging to align with.  Unless they have a clear and concise plan of action it can be frustrating to watch. 

Perhaps it is time to provide a curriculum, a step by step on ice technical plan as well as a mental development plan to help us all enjoy the experience more.  If this happens we could all relax and believe in the process to help our young aspiring athletes develop in the way the desire to.

What are your thoughts on this??